Sometimes it’s not me who crashes

Sometimes it’s not me who crashes

Bloody Horses!

One of the side effects of the medication I am taking seems to be my short term memory is.

I mean that’s ridiculous isn’t it! I keep on starting sentences and then forgetting what the hell I’m.

This would be more of an issue if I could remember the things that I had forgotten, but as I can’t then I don’t really give a shit.

Saying that, in sitting down to write this I have realised that I have forgotten to update the blog for a while. Or did I realise that I’d forgotten to update the blog and then sit down. No idea, but here goes.

Sometimes being bipolar isn’t the main thing in my life. Since being diagnosed in December last year it was getting to be all-consuming. I was getting used to being in therapy. I was getting used to the fact I had a serious mental health issue. Lot’s of things were new and I was having to adjust my life pretty much every day. It was exhausting and the medication was something else.

The one thing that made these last five months so much easier for me was my wife.

She has been absolutely wonderful. I think I’ve mentioned it before – she is my rock.

I am not sure of the specific date: I had a couple of busy weeks at work, I had been away for a few days with my family, I had been to a couple of weddings – stuff had been distracting me and at some point I started to just get on with my life again.

I was feeling really good most of the time – in particular after trialling just a slightly lower dosage of quetiapine. Life was becoming normal for me in a way that I don’t think it has ever been before, but I had no idea of this.

I was no longer “I’m bipolar. I’m bipolar. I’m bipolar…” like a stuck record. I was just me. And with that, my wife could relax her efforts on me and start becoming the insanely busy person she has always been in lots of other ways.

Then something took my focus off dealing with my diagnosis completely – my wife whilst doing one of the things she does when she is insanely busy came off a horse at speed and fractured three vertebrae in her back and suffered an internal degloving injury on her backside. Suddenly the focus was all on my wife and I needed to be there for her. She could have easily been killed, but luckily was not.

This was ten days ago and she has another ten weeks of recovery until she is back to her old self if all goes to plan.

Since then I have realised how together I am, and how I can cope with stress well.

I have coping mechanisms that help me deal with my condition. I am now primarily a husband, a father, a brother and a son. I am also bipolar, but I won’t let that define me.

For the next ten weeks everything is about my wife and getting her back on her feet.

Knowing I am bipolar and how to deal with it will allow me to do this as if I was normal.


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