Jesus Christ – I’m Talking to the masses

Jesus Christ – I’m Talking to the masses

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Pretty much every Prime Minister in recent years has taken a while to become close to the polished article, with some remaining shit throughout their entire tenure. When I say “article” what I meant to say was “turd”. Frankly most of them would have failed to achieve the ranking of tea boy in any half decent company or non-public organisation, but the pool to select from has been somewhat lacking. Depending on your politics, you may have viewed some first performances from the First Lord of the Treasury as being worthy of the 3rd Reich, whereas other people would have viewed the same as the second coming. If you stand in either of these courts, please get a life – politics isn’t at all exciting.

The way it works is that politicians come up with things they want to say, then they get an economist to come up with theories to support their objectives, then some statisticians come up with the numbers to back up the theories. On top of that, there will be a public consultation to allow the politicians to say, “this is what the people want…”. Strange thing is that on the few occasions I may have spoken about this to other human beings, no one has ever said to me “I was part of a public consultation and I now know my voice is being heard”. I mean, it is true that I’ve never spoken to anyone about this so the above is meaningless (much like most politicians), but that is beside the point. It just goes to show how you can be misled. Given you can prove most things one way or the other through careful selection of your data universe, this means you shouldn’t trust a word that comes out of a politician’s mouth. Or their arse which is where most of their drivel is coming from.

I would hazard a guess that most people would gain more pleasure from washing their face with caustic soda than they would from listening to a Party-Political Broadcast or a ministerial debate, and here’s where I’m going to get to my point: most men feel similar about discussing mental health with their close friends, let alone their peers or a wider audience. Not really to the extent or washing with sodium hydroxide, but I was trying to make a point with an over-exaggerated comparison. With mental health however, this is where the similarities with politics stop. Well not quite, my position on politicians is that they either get into the game for their own gain, some do because they have mental health issues and a small few do so for the greater good of mankind. I’d put Frank Field in that latter category, but others may not – it is a personal choice and I think he is nice. So overall, mostly self-serving or have mental health issues (that’s the final similarity in case you didn’t get it). 

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Back to mental health and where this is all going, I am taking part in a panel at a Men’s Mental health discussion at work on Thursday. This isn’t just a little chat type of thing, there are three of us and a host in front of an audience and with cameras to broadcast to the masses. My performance won’t be polished, but it will be:

  • Honest: There’s no point in lying to get a point across
  • Emotional: Personal experiences can be difficult to discuss
  • Purposeful: A single visible agenda
  • Factual: People can relate to facts
  • Knowledgeable: Delivered by people with mental health issues
  • Heartfelt: Delivered by people where mental health has impacted their lives
  • Relatable: Delivered by men (the demographic who don’t talk about it much)
  • Universal: Applicable to all gender identities
  • Without prejudice: Applicable to the young, middle-aged or the elderly
  • Funny: You have to keep an audience engaged

On that last point I am crapping myself. I know when I get going, I can be quite entertaining, but I also know that often my train of thought includes:

  • I think everyone hates me
  • I hate myself
  • I am crap at everything
  • I should go and hide myself away
  • I have a million demons in my head
  • Everything is going to go to shit
  • The smallest things I have done will have massive consequences
  • The world is totally shit
  • I am not a happy man

Oh, and I can be a wanker.

On other occasions I can be:

  • Bloody marvellous didn’t you know
  • Rather silly*

* Reckless

It would be nice if I was in that latter category on Thursday then I’ll be more or less fine from a “being in front of a camera” point of view and could be quite funny. But if I am somewhere in amongst the former set it will be ok, but I’ll be dying inside (can act well). The reason that it will be ok if I am feeling shit is it will give people more of an idea as to what people with bipolar go through. Holy Shit batman – that’s the longest I’ve written about something without mentioning bipolar. Hallelujah I am cured. Yeah, right.

I want to be the guest on question time that has been brought on because they know what they are talking about, not just one of the people who has been selected to polarise people and make for slightly better TV viewing. I want that guest to be Edinburgh Award, to be Pulitzer Prize, to be Ivor Novello. I’d love to be Stephen Fry, Russell Brand or Ronnie Barker, not Liz Truss, Boris Johnson or Keir Starmer (although politicians tend to be much nicer when they come out of politics – maybe it is like a virus that you can be cured of? Gordon Brown and Ed Balls seems much nicer now).

What I am trying to say is that mental health is way more important than politics, or politicians and should be talked about more often.

Political debate sometimes saves lives but is usually just two sets of people arguing the case as to why two very closely aligned arguments are as different as night and day.

Mental Health debate will save lives.

I have no idea why I have included politics in this piece. I think it may be because Ed Balls was presenting Good Morning Britain today. Oh well.

I’m hoping Thursday goes well.


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