Is There A Higher Power

Is There A Higher Power

Is there a Higher Power?

Is there a greater power out there that helps guide us through life? I’ve not gone all religious all of a sudden so don’t read this in that way – my late father was Protestant and my mother is Catholic which means my religious leaning is nullified. There’s also no influence from my wife who believes she will burst into flames if she enters a church or indeed any religious building. My wife is 100% atheist. I’m pretty sure she gets a cold chill if she sees someone eating a hot cross bun. I am not an atheist like my wife though – I was brought up a Catholic but chose to lie in on the first Sunday after my 18th birthday when I was allowed to decide for myself if I was to be a practising one.

I like to keep things simple: I have faith and I believe in a God of sorts. I don’t think he or she is omnipresent, I like to think God is always somewhere doing something specific at any one time. If God is more of the form of a woman, then perhaps she will be multi-tasking. At the same time as trying to cure cancer in children, she might be on the celestial phone to the devil trying to arrange an early check-in to Hell for Putin. Both of these tasks I fear are some way off achieving, and provide a perfect distraction for The Devil to sneak around causing havoc whilst God is trying to sort his or her shit out. That’s the only way you can justify the existence of God whilst this world is still full of evil – God can’t be everywhere all of the time making everything good.

Peter Cook in Wimpey as The Devil

To be able to visualise what God and The Devil are up to I need to give them a real image – you can’t just think of them as ethereal matter with no real form. Most of the time I like to think of the Devil, or Lucifer – “The Bringer of the Light” – as George Spigott, portrayed perfectly by Peter Cook in Bedazzled. Making The Dark One comedic helps out no end of good when you are feeling really shit about yourself. Unless you are a total wrongen who happens to have bipolar, then most of the time you are feeling crap about yourself, it is not because you have done something wrong, it is that you think you must have done something wrong in order to justify feeling that shit. You’ll often find yourself allowing the most ridiculous of actions to be amplified to a crime worthy of eternal damnation. Being able to laugh along with The Devil sometimes takes the darkness away. And if Mr Cook as Mr Spigott can’t do the trick, then just add in Dudley Moore as Stanley Moon and you’ll end up with a smile on your face. George did have one serious flaw as The Devil – he thought that God was English and very upper class and I don’t think that is true.

I’m not saying that God couldn’t be a woman, but I’m pretty convinced Morgan Freeman and God are one and the same – I mean have you ever seen them in the same room as each other? Mr Freeman even had the cheek to play himself in “Bruce Almighty”, and then go on to present “The Story of God” exploring how belief in him has shaped the world today. Genius. So we all know what God really looks like. Probably.

I’m not saying Morgan Freeman isn’t doing a great job as God, but there are some things in life you just cannot explain. Through my wife I got to know a man called Mike. Mike was a wonderful man and we loved his company. It was whilst visiting Mike and his lovely wife Chris in Yorkshire that I proposed to my wife after a particularly nice evening out. I did tread in dog shit as I was about to go down on bended knee in their garden, but it was the left foot so that was lucky. And she said yes which was fantastic as I thought no one would ever want to have me. We also got our dog Rosie from Mike and Chris and she has been an incredible part of our lives.

If God was omnipresent and all powerful, Mike would not have shot himself a few years after I got engaged to my wife. God would have intervened and Mike would still be here today making people laugh. He would still be a husband and a father. He will forever be our friend, just not one that is around anymore to laugh and joke with. 

I believe in a presence of sorts embodied by Morgan Freeman, but not one that can sort out all of the evils and terrors of this world. He might have been in The Shawshank Redemption so I know he is good, but he’s not that good he could sort out the world in-between takes.

I can only assume that time itself will ease the pain of Mike’s wife and daughter; and we’ll only know what drove him to take his own life when we meet again in the great pub in the sky. The same is true of my old friend Ayad who took his own life a number of years ago. His closest friends are still at a loss to understand what he was going through and it eats at them to this day. I cannot begin to think what his family feels. As mortals we’ll never know what imbalance in the brain is required to take that most irreversible of actions. Whether that imbalance is some form of good vs. evil or if it is a simple chemical composition imbalance that precedes the act, but it is something I cannot fathom.

This may sound ridiculous and possibly offensively selfish, but because I cannot understand this, I feel I must not be properly bipolar; or am I simply in the set of bipolar people that are not capable of such an act? I have been in some very, very low places, but I seem to react to these situations by shutting down my body and brain until it is recharged. It is not a pleasant experience, but it is not terminal. 

I am not saying that either friend was bipolar – I have no idea if they were – but many bipolar people take their own lives and I genuinely feel bad not understanding why. The main reason I feel bad though is that I think I must be faking being bipolar given my detachment from understanding this capability. This of course is totally ridiculous. I am writing this shit so I know I am not wired correctly upstairs.

If God was omnipresent then that would mean that he was judging those that have managed to take their own lives. Knowing the two aforementioned gentlemen to the extent I do, I know that this could not have been the case – they were the most wonderful of human beings who should still be with us today, but for some inexplicable reason someone like Putin still exists. He (Putin) must somewhere down the line be related to George Spigott. The world is a strange and unfair place sometimes.

As God can’t be everywhere, I believe that it helps to have an invisible hand to guide us through life. What force guides this hand does not matter. If it is a belief in a God (he/she) then that is fine by me. If that God is Elvis fucking Presley then so be it.

As Morgan Freeman can’t be everywhere and I don’t want to use up any of his time with my problems, when a higher power guides me through dark times, this force usually talks to me as Samuel L. Jackson. Not the softer version of recent times with rounded spectacles, but the “And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance…” Jackson. Pulp Fiction Jackson.

Mr Jackson, well my version of him, does a bloody great job as an agent of my God on Earth as the instructions in the Bible as to what we should be are really bloody confusing: “And God made Man…Male and Female created…dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air”. Makes no sense to me. Nope. Way over my head.

Why am I babbling on about God and his various embodiments on Earth if I am not really religious? Well, life is difficult and I need all the tools I can in order to keep myself as sane as possible. When I am particularly low I picture myself sitting in a meadow with my head in my hands. Mr Jackson then enters the field by means of a style and slowly wanders over to me to let me know he has loaded all my worries onto a hot air balloon and to stop worrying. He then gets into the basket of the balloon and Vincent Vega fires up the burner and they ascend into the sky. In the best Jules Winfield voice, he then tells me to “Cheer the fuck up motherfucker” and rises away whilst tucking into a Big Kahuna Burger.

There’s a little insight into my warped mind for you.

Wishing you all a Happy Easter would be a little ironic now wouldn’t it.

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