So Bloody What?

So Bloody What?

Having decided to be open and honest about my bipolar diagnosis, I am now finding that one of the downsides of this is having to deal with people’s responses. In the main, those that have offered their opinion have been in the “good luck to you” or “I’m glad you’re feeling better” camp. Yesterday I had my first assured statement from a friend and family member that I did not have bipolar. A 100% categorical statement that I was free from this particular ailment. Well thank fuck for that – I’d been cured and I’d be asking for a refund from my psychiatrist.

In reality my response was to tell him that there are different types of bipolar, and that I don’t suffer from periods of full on mania unlike the people he may know with the condition – I have hypomanic episodes which are different. I could have gone into further detail in order to convince my friend that he was wrong, but I’ve only been learning about it for the last few months and haven’t built up that much knowledge yet; I’ve been more concerned about learning to live with it.

The conversation was killed fairly quickly by my wife, I believe for no other reason than she thought I would be somewhat riled by this. Also because myself and the person who proffered their diagnosis were joint winners of the most stubborn bastard of the year awards 2021 and the debate could have gone on forever.

In reality, I was so angered by this I have thought of little else for the last 24 hours. When you finally have an explanation for the way you feel and behave; something that has eluded me for half a century, to have your solace shattered by the opinion of a very nice, but not medically trained individual does seem to be a little over-reactive. And it was. It did distract me for the rest of that day, and the thought storm I was having over dinner with my wife that evening took away some of the pleasure of visiting a fabulous restaurant called Shaka Zulu in Camden Lock. It didn’t ruin the evening, but I was not as good a company as I should have been.

light bulbs, ideas, inspiration-1875384.jpg

Whilst cooking Sunday dinner for my family and in-laws this afternoon I had a light-bulb moment: just try not to give a shit – it is only an opinion.

Well blow me – if that didn’t only go and work. 

Changing the way you view things – in particular the actions or thoughts of other individuals, is having a dramatic impact on my life. Quetiapine is helping keep my head together in order to start looking at life in a different way, so there has to be some credit to medication – but at 51 I’m close to being the happiest I have been in my life. Let other people think what they want to think and say what they want to say – that is their right. Having this new found freedom to completely ignore them is my right and is absolutely bloody marvellous.

Scully

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1 Comment

  1. I’m sorry that I didn’t explain how I managed to stay so positive throughout my life. ( ie don’t give a shit what anybody says) it may be a little late in life but it appears you have mastered the art.
    Good for you.
    Your favourite father in law.

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